our new lifestyle

Ive always fantasized about being spanked for real, but i would never dare to tell charlie in fear of  him thinking i was crazy. We did start playful bedrooms spankings a few years back, (my ideal of course).  We had been married for 23 years and it had been rocky for some time. We fought all the time, we lived like room mates instead of husband and wife. the love and passion for one another was gone. We did not communicate with each other. I took care of everything, from our 4 kids, to the house, to paying the bills, oh dont get me wrong he worked everyday and brought me his paycheck to pay the bills with. I mostly ran the show at home, i felt it was all my responsibility, even my job i took care of the elderly. I got tired of having to do it all, i wanted my turn, someone to take care of me for a change. Then all at once it all changed, i got laid off of my job that i been on for 10 years, and my dad passed away the same day. Well then i just lost it, thats enough, i couldnt take no more. i packed my bags and left with my baby daughter who was 16, and moved 300 miles away back to my home town. Did i mention it was our 23rd anniversary the day i moved? yeap! After 5 months we decided to give it another try, but i told him he would have to move here if he wanted me, i just refused to leave my mom. It was rough for a little while, we had to live with family he had to find a job. But he did and moved into our own place. He was working nights and i could see thats things still wasnt where i wanted them to be. So summer started and my daughter started staying with my mom and her sister and i started going to work with charlie every night. We was with each other 24/7 and growing closer. I had heard everyone talking about this book 50 shades of grey so i just had to read it lol. I got really interested in spanking then and i knew i then i wanted this, i wanted charlie to dominate me. i started doing research and found something called dd. Really people did this, im not crazy, wow. I got up the nerve to mention it to charlie, still not really sure what it was all about. but i did like the book and wrote a contract lol. I think it humored charlie, he made me sign it, and then it was on. He was a natural, his look, his tone, i was living with christian grey lol not really but i can dream right. We even ordered that awful paddle online he calls holy moly grr i now hate that thing lol. All was going great  I was happier than i have ever been i my life. I fell in love with him like never before. But you know how they say all good things come to a end. About a month before school started my niece came to stay with us for awhile. That meant i had to stay home with the girls. That also meant less time for us. He works all night and sleeps all day and when i say all day i mean 10 to 12 hours grrr not good. He then started slacking, i started getting lonley and depressed and even pushed him more and more. i kept searching online and learning more about this dd stuff. and sent him stuff then i found a chat room with more people who does this, wow who would have known. It was weird at first but these people welcomed me right in. They are very supported. I then kept begging charlie to come chat but he wouldnt do it, he didnt want to talk about ttwd to no one its to weird. Then my niece went home and school started, so now he dont have a excuse to be inconsistent right, so i thought. What happen to my christian grey? Did he think of it as a game? We still not communicating much, He did start chatting and made some good friends who are trying their best to help us. I was even told we are a unique couple lol thanks i think lol. Some days dd is there and some days its not so its frustrating. I keep hearing be patience, im not a patience person, and ive been know to act out if i dont get it my way. One thing i do know as much as ive threatened to quit dd i never want to go back. I need dd.