No matter how much i try i just cant give up. I get depressed, and upset and cant think about nothing else. When i get upset i end up saying stuff i shouldnt say. I started out just trying to ignoring charlie but he ignored me back and that made me mad, i hate being ignored . So wednesday night when he went to work i started texting him, i called him names and said stuff i shouldnt have said. He started ingoring my every text so i called him. He was so mad by then he ended up hanging up on me so i called him back again. After we both calmed down we talked and decided to start this thing all over again. So with new rules in place and promises of sitdowns and communicating here we go again. He was still mad about the name calling and said so, and told me when he got home i was getting punished. Yea he kept his word on that, i think that was about the worse spanking ive had. Then was told i was getting a maintenance later on that day and every thursday after that plus reminders every morning until my attitude changes. So we gonna take this one day at a time and im gonna do my best to have patience with him, and try not to have no more outburst on him. We both want this and i know we can get through this and im not going to top from the bottom but i will go on helping him learn and looking online for information but im not going to overwhelm him. All couples are different and we have to do whats best for us. Only you know your spouse and how their mind works so what works for others might not work for you. So its like im kinda training my hoh ive read more info that he has and have explianed stuff to him . He is not very computer friendly oh but he sure knows how to go to facebook and play games lol. But other than that hes clueless. I have bookmarked chat and stuck it in his toolbar so he can have easy access to it. He dont even know how to email lol. So i know if i dont help him learn he has no other way. So you got to do what you think is best to help them learn but without topping from the bottom, if you have to be their coach in the begining i think its ok. I mean give a man a paddle and tell him to spank you who has never spanked no one in their life and then you will want to give them instructions lol. I learned the hard way lol. But he is learning, we both are, it just take time and they will be ups and downs, thats when you have to use your patience. And it helps to have someone to talk to, I love my chat friends they are very supported. And i have to thank one special friend Bob, he has helped us alot, Thanks Bob for putting up with me.